The Nerve

Of some people. Just the other day, one of her friends criticized me for being petty, and I highly resent that. Hell, I shouldn't even tolerate it. Look.

I feel I still have a right to all this. Besides all the little things, she decided to go "find herself" the very day that marked our anniversary, just before the talent show that she knew was coming in which I was to perform a song that was about, inspired by, and to be sung for her. And the fact she accused me of trying to guilt trip her when all I was effing doing was asking her to stay. So ... fuck it. Let her try all this on some other guys. I wish them luck; but at least I'm not gonna be the fool.

And the quote of the day occurred when Simon's PE locker fell apart piece-by-piece right beside me.

*Alex and I are laughing as the metal cage where the lock should go falls out and clatters to the cement ground in the boy's locker room*
Simon: What the fuck?
Riker: What happened to your locker?
Simon: I don't fucking know. ... How do I get it fixed?

And, of course, from the football game on Saturday. Rather, after the actual game itself, when Charlie and Christian were messing around outside the locker room and Chuck nearly pushes Christian down an outdoor staircase.

Christian: "Those are stairs, motherfucker!"

Oh, the joys of my life.

A Blessing In Disguise ... That I Might Not Take Back

There's a lot of things that I missed being able to do that I didn't even realize as of late. There are quite a few different rap artists I've been missing out on that, really, I'd've been listening to and been unable to share with a previous person in my life because they would've snubbed their nose at it. Being out with friends all weekend, every weekend is another, and it's fun to finally be able to. God, it's been way too long.

The football game today was a tie against our rivals, Anchor Point Christian -- and, as I said, we tied: 40-40. It was a great game and a great way to finish up this exciting (and, final) season (at least for all of my friends and me.) I got all my stuff together and dressed as a vampire, got out there and trick-or-treated with friends ... and, surprisingly enough, even earned some candy!

So, Cameron, Charlie, Christian, Samantha, Kelly and I all went back to Christian's and ordered a pizza, then sat down to watch the god-awful 2008 release of Day of the Dead (with Nick Cannon, no less), ate our pizza, and then popped in SuperCroc. Whoo-hoo ... what terrible, terrible scary movies. Then, just to tease Sam and Kelly, we put in Dead Space just to eff with them a little. Christian had me playing through the first few levels to try to get them scared. Ultimately, it failed, whatwith the humor I was bringing to it (having already played through the whole game twice already. xD)

So, yeah. Tonight was wicked-fun. And the talent show was effin' amazing, too--all the girls (and guys) went crazy for it, and I got a /lot/ of clapping and hugs all around.

But, really; it's nice to get all of this off my chest. I was just commenting to Christian over Skype last night just how happy I am now that things are all over with her and how much I've been able to accomplish without her. In a sad twist of fate, I don't know yet if I'll be as inviting as I said I'd be when she comes back around again. I mean, she left me during a time that would've been amazing for her to experience with me and help me through but, since I was able to do it all without her, ... what's the point in going back to her again? I'm perfectly capable by myself and, frankly, that could be her very downfall.

And in /another/ cruel twist of fate, I just fell into a hundred and fifty bucks my dad gave me extra to help pay for a trip "to the East Coast to see a certain someone" next summer. I told him I'd deeply consider it and took the money. But now I've just got to figure out what I want to do with it ... hmmmm ...

EDIT: Plus, it's a lot easier on my mind now to totally not care what she does with who. Together or not, it sorta angers you or even saddens you (depending on the situation) to know that another person's gonna try to replace you with somebody else and that that other person is going to, in essence, get or have everything you've gotten or had that you don't really want to give up, but it's thoughts like that that can drive a man crazy. So I've stopped. Frankly, she can be with whoever and do whatever with whomever she'd like. I don't care.

Haha.

And the reason I don't care is simple: because I'll be doin' the exact same thing and lovin' it.

Decisions of the Wild

Now, I've got to make a pretty big decision about what I want to do with my money. I've got quite a bit amassed, but it was all to help towards paying for a trip out to the east coast to see a special someone this summer. Now ... now I can use it on stuff I'll actually be needing. I mean, why keep the money aside any more? Obviously, the promise of me eventually making it out there hasn't kept her interested long enough, so why should I [seemingly] waste so much money on something like that now? Why should I set any money aside for that? If it wasn't at the top of her wishful thinking list, why should it be at the top of my priorities any longer?

So the first question I've got to reason with myself is whether to spend it now or to keep saving it. Ultimately, this leads to the second question (since I've got a pretty good grasp of the first): what should I then do with it? I dunno yet, but I'll figure something out, and I'll make it incredibly worth it for all you viewers out there. I already chipped into buying a new soundcard and speakers for audio recording, so that helped make a dent in things.

And with a raise of the wine glass, I bid you all farewell, good luck, and good night.

Different Ends of the Spectrum

Damn, it's been awhile. I figure that when all else fails, you need to go back to what you know best -- and, for me, that happens to be heading back to the blog that, in essence, started it all. So, in reality, here goes.

When I talked to my friends about advice I should have when Jessica had decided to break things off with me, I first went to Chelsea who helped immensely in giving me the female perspective, calming me down, and getting me in a more-understanding, less-angry state of mind. Which was great, because it helped me write up an understanding message to Jessica before we officially started finishing things off.

The second person I went to was Christian and when I talked to him, I, of course, expected him to back me up like a brother. When I explain everything to him, his initial response was: "Man, I can't believe she'd do something like that. What's wrong with her ... how could she?" Which was also comforting, and made me laugh a little. Christian, being my best friend, certainly knows how to accomplish something like that, and I really, really respect that.

The third person I went to was dear old mother, since she's been having relationship issues, too, lately, and, frankly, who else do you turn to (no matter how old you are) than your own mom? She talked things out and sort of held the ground between Christian's disbelief and Chelsea's understanding, perhaps putting things in the perfect realm between "while it's not really clear exactly why, it makes some sense." That's something I can live with.

So the fourth person I go to is Charlie. And I explain to him the amazing double-standard where I was forced to promise never to leave like I did the first time, and yet she has the nerve to pull the exact same thing on me, in the exact same way, almost mockingly ... and Charlie gives me the most amazing explanation I have ever heard for any of my problems ever. I explain everything to him and he looks me straight in the eye as he gives me his response. And you know what he says? "She just wants something in her vagina. Y'know, something in her vagina, something to touch and stimulate the clit?"

And then we laughed.
'Cause it was a fucking amazing moment. xD And it was such an awkward and unexpected thing for him to even so much as suggest.

Oh, Charlie.

The Shadow Journal

Reaper here, just updating to let you know I'm starting a new videogame review-based blog over here on Blogger, over at The Shadow Journal with periodic updates (obviously) on its blip.tv page.

Check it out now and keep checking back for me!

--Reaper

Anthem (Pt. 3)

More religion, seeing as how I just moderated comments on the last one even though they were about a month old. I get peoples' points, but this has to be the single best thing that I have ever seen illustrating my absolute doubt in "faith" or even the Bible:

Anthem (Pt. 2)

I am not a Christian, I do not tout myself as being a Christian, and I do not believe that God will come down and unleash the Rapture upon all of his people.

That said, I'm not without some beliefs of my own, formed through some weird sense of gut feelings and ... faith? Odd coming from someone who basically just denounced the next step in an entire religion's chain of things to look forward to but true nonetheless. I believe in a higher power. The God that Christians have made out to be? No. I believe in a higher spirit, sure, but not their version of God, not in the slightest.

The Bible is a book. It was not handed down from God himself -- it was written by men. I find it intriguing how so many people can blindly go to church and follow scriptures written by people just like them thousands of years ago and live their lives based around these passages. It baffles me, really. I'm one of those who doesn't believe the Rapture is going to occur. I don't believe that the hand of God is going to come down and teach all the non-believers who's boss. Do I believe in miracles? Sure, but I attribute them to either chance, fate, my version of a "higher power", or one of a many other mechanics floating out there in the cosmos that I can't even begin to wrap my brain around.

Early morning rant over.

No more religion.

It's the biggest leap of faith and spread of lies ever told. All religion has ever done is make people miserable enough to be concerned for the rest of their lives or made them feel comfortably numb up until their dying days when their faith finally wavers and they realized things weren't at all what they seemed. Man.